Cleaning?

First: STOP ****ING SHOUTING. If you can't even be bothered to operate your 'shift' key, why should I bother to answer your enquiry?
Oh yeah; to ridicule it. Fair enough.

Far? It's about that far. And I wouldn't start from here, if I were you.

Chop of their hair? I prefer fillet, really.

Wool paragraphed information? Awkward to file.

Joking aside: poor spelling in web searches isn't a matter of snobbishness; your search simply won't work if you garble the keywords.

Having translated the underlying question: 'fair' isn't relevant. They're sheep – wool is what they're for. Barring absolute cruelty I don't believe animals have 'rights', at all, and have no problem whatsoever with their exploitation as a resource. Lambs may be cute, but they taste even better.

At first glance, I thought this was a typically odd random query – yes, puncture repair kits can be used to fix items other than bicycle tyre inner tubes (a fact with once left me stranded...), but boots? Predator?

Then I dimly remembered that 'Predator' is a variety of football boot (see, I can do popular culture) and discovered online that the distinguishing feature, apart from kangaroo leather, is rubber pads/strips at strategic points on the kicking surface.
I'd guess that patches from a puncture repair kit could be used to cover worn pads on boots, and the kit's rubber cement could attach the patches if there's enough left of the underlying pad – remember the cement only bonds rubber to rubber, not rubber to other materials, such as kangaroo leather.
However, I understand the dimpled surface texture of the pads is significant, and patches mightn't replicate that.

Nice lateral thinking, though.

Incidentally, the Ministry is currently the no.1 result for this search term at Google, the result of matching individual words from the, er, 'Random Queries' archive index page.

If reading subtitles is too much like hard work, this film is not for you. It's a French film from a French director, with a French cast (er, Rie Rasmussen is Danish, but the character speaks French). The dialogue is in French. Not English – that'd be a different film.

I'm pleased to say I'm unaware of a version dubbed into English and, as always, would definitely avoid one if it did exist.
This isn't empty snobbishness (though I can't deny a certain contempt for people who demand to be spoon-fed mere entertainment). The spoken language is an integral part of a film, providing the vocal rhythms of that language and the performance of the original actors – dubbing can only diminish.

And don't mention Anglophone remakes.

Law
It's not compulsory to participate in recycling schemes in the UK, though that's at the time of writing and I would support some compulsion.
In theory, it's already arrived in my part of Lancaster, as the Council will only accept a fixed amount of for-landfill waste from each household per fortnight, which is less than the total amount of waste a typical household might produce: households which recycle nothing won't have all their waste removed, which could rapidly lead to legal action.
I'd welcome the 'weighed bins' recently mentioned in the mass-media, as a financial incentive to reduce unrecycled waste could help.

Invasion of privacy
I have little sympathy with this objection. It's your responsibility to dispose of personally-identifiable materials properly – if you simply drop intact bank statements in your bin/recycling, more fool you. That's not an excuse to avoid recycling altogether, merely a requirement to think first.
If I receive, say, a letter from my bank, I rip off the header, containing account and other reference numbers plus names and addresses, and similarly remove the footer containing unexplained serial numbers which could be of some significance. I then rip up and drop the innocuous body of the letter into my recycling. The header and footer also get ripped into tiny pieces, then roughly a third goes in the recycling, a third goes in my main bin amongst the food waste, and a third goes in my 'confidential paper' recycling bin, which I only empty every few months.

Driving
Self-evidently, it's not optimal* to take recycling to a collection point by car. I can only suggest using whatever doorstep collection schemes are available in your area then storing as much of whatever's left as you can bear, then disposing of it infrequently, preferably when you're making a trip in that general direction anyway.
By definition, Council tips tend to be in out-of-the-way locations, so one can't necessarily pop to the tip on the way to work, but many classes of recycling not accepted by doorstep collection schemes are accepted at communal sites such as bottle banks in supermarket car parks – it is entirely possible to make combined recycling & shopping trips; if one was going to the supermarket anyway, there's no added consequence of dropping off the recycling.

In short: do what you can. Don't get obsessed with recycling everything, but equally, don't use minor problems as an excuse to do nothing. If it's especially inconvenient to recycle plastic bottles in your area, okay, send 'em to landfill, but still recycle paper, cans & bottles.

*: let's avoid phrases like 'good for the environment': the childish & moralistic language of enviro-hippies makes my fists itch....

Yes, I think you've come to the right thread for that topic....

Not particularly random, but intriguing (dunno what that says about me...).

Would one mine clay? I'm pretty sure it's extracted from open-air quarries, not subterranean mines.
'Fireclay' might be considered an exception, but that material is lithified (i.e. a rock) rather than compressed sediment retaining some plasticity (i.e. a clay).

Try a search for 'clay pit lancs' – you don't need to specify 'in'.

I was going to suggest using 'lancashire' rather than 'lancs', too, but was surprised to see Google (.com, not .co.uk) automatically recognises and expands the abbreviation.

Ah, yes: the world-famous Tiny Poodles of Inverness, the subjects of so much joy, anguish and a minor diplomatic incident in 1876 (ever wondered why the British royal family keeps corgis rather than poodles? Now you know). Don't miss the granite memorial in Glenurquhart Road.

It's gratifying to see my authority on this fundamental topic acknowledged, and the Ministry ranked third for the search term at Google.

Depends on the tree, obviously (size, species, etc.), but also on the type of paper – newsprint manufacture uses more of the tree than the production of 'presentation-quality' or even just office printer paper.

If I remember correctly, if one averages out all the parameters (e.g. a unit weight of mixed soft- & hardwood species of an average age and girth), one can expect roughly 80 kg of newsprint or around 40 kg of printer paper per 'standard tree'.
Which isn't much, though that presumes the paper only contains fresh wood pulp, with no recycled content.

And even if I do remember correctly, my information is ~15 years old....

All of them?

Well, okay....

Seven, though like the canine population of the UK, rapid mobility and fake moustaches are involved.

Oh, and there's that guy in Goiâna, but he doesn't really specialise in bikes; better ring ahead to see if he has what you're looking for.

Okay, okay!
All of Marillion's releases in the Fish era (1982-1988) featured covers by Mark Wilkinson. Following the split, Wilkinson designed covers for Fish's solo releases (1989-date) whilst Marillion have worked with Carl Glover.

'He Knows You Know' was the second single from the band's debut album, 'Script for a Jester's Tear', but not itself an album.

Nice to see you abandoned the natural language ("who", "was" and "the" are irrelevant to the query) and over-specific search terms in favour of more generic terms expressed solely as keywords. Good practice.

Well, that's put me off my cornflakes. That exotic combination would be truly offal.

And you deserved that.

That's a compelling image, but unless the Ministry* has access to a vein of Antigravitium ore or has planned ahead for a distant future of personal hovercraft, possibly of limited credibility.

* Not there is such a Ministry in the UK or any other EU nation, so far as I'm aware.

All of them?!

I've no doubt there are websites identifying each week's no.1, but I suspect you'd have to collate the no.3s yourself, from sites offering the entire top-tens.

Have fun.

Okay; you want to know what BoingBoing has said about steel chairs, but anticipate so many results that you're omitting all those also mentioning bondage involving beanbags? *

Whatever....

*: Though technically you haven't excluded 'bondage' from the search.

So far as I'm aware, that'd be all of them. How would a campsite owner know whether two people are a couple, or merely walking partners? I've frequently camped in the Lakes with male friends, and never encountered apparent hesitation. I haven't shared a tent, but I know people who do, especially on long-distance routes where carrying a tent each wouldn't be pragmatic.
I suppose I'm saying I believe you'd have less problems camping as a single-sex couple than finding a bed & breakfast room together; there's less to imply your status and there is an existing practice of two individuals camping together, irrespective of gender.

You will have noticed from your web search that many campsites do specify 'no single sex parties allowed', but that refers to large groups of potentially-rowdy lads; four or more might have problems, but two should be fine.

• Eight feet (2.4 m).
• Only on Tuesdays, but technically, aldermen can request repeat runs.
• Thomas Telford, between 1793 and 1803.
• Orange. Not red, obviously.
• Seven.

I haven't exactly watched, but I'm pretty sure they reproduce. I doubt they spontaneously instantiate, nor precipitate out of rainwater.

If you mean the etymology of the word, it's from the French 'mollusque', itself from the Latin (and Linnean) 'Mollusca', meaning 'thin-shelled'.

What; Leeds has a puncture? Again?

More seriously, I'm not aware of any bicycle shops which would repair a puncture for you, whether in Leeds or elsewhere. I'm sure a bike shop would be happy to sell you a new inner tube and fit it for you (presumably for a fee), but not patch an existing inner tube. That's the sort of repair you really need to do for yourself.

I don't have a clue about cars or motorbikes, though.

You may be technically correct (I don't know for sure), but I'd strongly recommend not relying on that as a defence.

In a recent case which made the local free newspapers, someone tried to contest parking tickets by arguing that the yellow lines were worn and not properly terminated (it was a coastal road, and the lines had been weathered). However, the magistrate(s) rejected the claim on the basis that there could be no reasonable doubt about the intent; pedantic, wilful misinterpretation of the patently-obvious was not acceptable.

Which itself could be contested, I suppose, but just move the car, eh?

That sounds like Kafka's 'In der Strafkolonie', though I don't recall that being set in a desert (a desert island, perhaps).

I didn't know of a film adaptation, either, but there is one short listed at the IMDB.

Kind of damp, even considering recent weather elsewhere in the UK.

This query seems to reveal a misapprehension about the nature of the Lake District. It's a National Park in Northern England (brrr!), with planning regulations stressing the preservation of heritage and the natural environment. It's not a holiday resort, and I'm not aware of any camp sites with swimming pools; I don't think there are any full-on holiday parks in the National Park, like Center Parcs near Penrith. One could expect drinking water, maybe toilets, maybe even showers at the larger sites, but they really are places to eat (food one has brought from home) and sleep, not to spend entire holidays.

There's a public swimming pool at Troutbeck Bridge, if that's any help.

Audio & video cassettes, 'floppy' diskettes and hard disks work by aligning the magnetism of particles embedded in a carrying medium (tape or disc/platter). Once that process has been completed, the physical state, and hence stored content, is retained until remagnetised.

Is there any other type?

Well, I reckon those ostentatiously large instruments are a sign of something; overcompensation, probably.

It's a custom font, created by Dalton Maag. Ah. No, that's the font Tesco uses in writing, not in the logo.
The principle still applies, though: the logo font is proprietory, and it's unlikely you'd find a (legitimate) usable copy of the character set.

Most such corporate fonts are purpose-designed, in part specifically to prevent reuse of part of the brand image by others. If the company owns and restricts access to the font, it reduces the risk of 'passing-off'.
I can't think of any major company which uses a generic or publicly-accessible font in its logo, and couldn't imagine why any would.

If you're asking for a list of sewage treatment plants in Merseyside, try searching for that more directly.

Don't eat cheese late at night. It'll give you nightmares.

What?

Er....

What?

All these Random Queries are genuine, of course, but even if I wished to, I couldn't have invented that one.

If, as I presume, you have a design you want to put into production, you might like to try a web search for 'lingerie manufacturer'.

You might also like to check the websites of lingerie retailers, too, in case your design already exists – it's not something I've considered in depth (honest), but don't envisage there being that many different ways of arranging small quantities of fabric.

Two would be that young goats aren't known for their reading ability and that they might be tempted to chew advertising placed too close to the ground.

This may be a lost battle against language evolution, but I find the use of 'kids' to mean human children more than averagely irritating.

Laminate it.

That's not the oddest enquiry I've received, but the sheer randomness of thinking I'd know anything about the subject is noteworthy.

I don't see the Ministry within the first 200 results for that phrase at uk.search.yahoo.com, so someone must have really dug for my opinion.

For a moment, I thought it was Brandenburger Tor, but that's the 50c coin....

Ah! I remember! It's a 'rampant' eagle with rounded wings, surrounded by the European stars.

You're joking, right?

Search engines don't work that way. You're asking for multi-parameter searches within searches, the sort of things one might try with a dedicated database if a single database even contains those parameters.

A search engine could help you find a tourist information website, which in turn could list campsites in the Windermere area (or at least those which have paid to be included in the database), but I doubt a tourist information index would provide individual campsites' tariffs.

Alternatively, you could cut out the intermediary and search Google for campsites near Windermere (just 'Windermere'; 'Lake Windermere' is a tautology) then visit individual campsites' websites to verify precise locations and prices.

Another approach would be to be more specific about your preferred location, and search accordingly. Camping near Ambleside would be crowded but central, whereas camping at Newby Bridge would be quieter but further from key destinations. Ambleside and Newby Bridge are both ~1 km from Windermere, but at extreme opposite ends of the lake, ~21 km apart by road.

At the simplest (i.e. dialup), one only needs a PC with a modem, the ISP's connection phone number, and a login/password. There is a slight catch-22 in that those details tend to be readily available from an ISP's website, but one needs to be already online in order to visit that site – hence the alleged need for installation discs. That's easily evaded by registering via a different computer, such as in a public library.

Once obtained, insert those parameters at the indicated points in the 'Control Panel->Network Settings' setup wizard, and connect. Simple as that.
I much prefer that to installing via an ISP's disc, as this technique uses existing Windows functionality and doesn't install anything. My mother's computer was plagued with a proprietory login interface for years, the sole purpose of which seemed to be to display the corporate logo.

I haven't been able to find a specific rebuttal, but I'm extremely confident that's an urban myth. I presume the theory is that direct sunlight and hence the heat of an enclosed car would cause a (apparently breast-specific) carcinogen to leach out of the bottle's plastic. I strongly suspect the bottle manufacturers had thought of that when selecting polymers.

The most compelling argument so far as I'm concerned is that leaving a plastic bottle of water in direct sunlight is a recognised purification technique (UV kills faecal nasties) used by hill walkers and even proposed as suitable for purifying entire drinking water supplies in India i.e. letting bottled water exceed 65°C in sunlight is a good thing. The linked article specifically mentions the use of plastic containers.

[Update 17/04/07: I've managed to trace this non-issue to the abstract of a non-peer-reviewed Master's thesis about the reuse of plastic water bottles, misreported by a sensationalist newspaper. The scare story has been expressly debunked, not least by the suggestion that the student was accidentally measuring chemicals in his/her own lab equipment.
Specifically, the thesis claimed that potentially dangerous quantities of DEHA were leached from PET bottles, but DEHA is not a recognised raw material or degradation product of PET. Even if DEHA somehow got into the water from a different source (say, a plastic beaker in a lab...), it wouldn't matter, as that's approved for human consumption too.]

If the Ministry of Defence had oversight of police purchasing, I'd be even more paranoid about social control than I am already.

Police forces are run by regional Police Authorities, responsible to the Home Office (or to the Ministry of Justice, if the Home Secretary's plans are enacted). Not the Ministry of Defence.

It's called separation of powers, a concept which, admittedly, the Government seems to consider outmoded.

Big question: what is the nature of your relationship with the little girl?

Having established that legitimacy, I'd suggest you try searching again for key phrases such as 'interior design', 'nursery', 'decoration', etc., as key phrases, not (almost) grammatical sentences.

The search software doesn't understand what you 'want', and only needs to be fed words likely to appear in the target page itself i.e. it searches for combinations of alphanumeric characters (words), not meaning; state what you're looking for, don't explain.
Including the preamble "I want to..." and specifying the number of rooms "... a..." are worse than irrelevant, potentially generating spurious results.

I doubt that exists. You'd need the statutory rod licence from the Environment Agency, of course, in order to fish anywhere in the UK, but you'd also need a permit for specific locations, and I'm pretty sure that responsibility for the 68.4 km (42.5 miles) of canal is divided amongst numerous individual angling groups, each issuing permits for its own reaches.

I'm not an angler, though, and could be wrong. Try asking British Waterways.

What? Don't be so stupid.

I don't know about the specific topic, but I may be able to refine your search.

If you mean legislation passed by the UK's national government, it'd be in the form of laws: Bills debated in the House of Commons and House of Lords then enacted to Acts of Parliament, applicable across the whole country.
Bye laws are secondary rules set by local authorities, only applicable within each council's region of responsibility: local laws for local issues. For example, one requires a licence to exercise more than four (4) dogs at once within the public parks of Wandsworth, London.

Therefore, if you're interested in legislation affecting all British swimming pools since 1936 (laws), you need to perform a rather different search than if you're looking for details of swimming pool operation in, say, Milton Keynes (bye laws).

Now, now; UK bureaucracy isn't quite that invasive.

Don't give them ideas....

I'm choosing to think you mean those he's written, rather than his personal collection of books by other authors.

Author bibliographies is one of the few topics Wikipedia covers reliably: purely factual, easily-verified information with no room for interpretation or bias.

You might also try The L-Space Web.

The same applies for any author: try searching for the author's name at Wikipedia, then at Google for either the author's own website or one compiled by fans.

Seven, coincidentally.

Congratulations!

Might this prompt you to obtain a more credible e-mail address, easily accessible via a real browser?

It totally mystifies me how people can look at this website and send such enquiries. Having one photograph and a contact form doesn't make me a vicar.

You're nearly there... go on, make the leap of logic....

Copper isn't magnetic, therefore the UK's lowest denomination coins can't be copper. They're actually steel (and hence magnetic) electroplated with a tiny amount of yes, copper.

As I mentioned earlier, the paradox is that the UK's 'silver' (white metal) coins are 75% copper. That's just perverse.

I'd start by contacting the newspaper. Failing that, try the County Record Office's archives. I presume there's a branch in Wigan, but I think the one in Preston is the headquarters; it's behind County Hall, only 3-4 minutes walk from the railway station.

Typing the precise and entire title of your essay assignment into Google probably isn't the best tactic – even if you found a precise match, plagiarism is frowned upon.

Try a little research into the component topics.

Nope; I know nothing about chinchillas, other than it's alleged that they have the greatest density of fur of all mammals.

See a vet.

That'd be Dr. Manette, in 'A Tale Of Two Cities', by Charles Dickens.

If this MI5 trying to trick me into revealing the masterplan, it won't work.

tracing witheld numbers
thigh boots
official secrets revolving door

I'm afraid I can't answer that, as you don't have the requisite security clearance, but yes, the Mistress knows where you live....

Roeburndale is ~22 km (14 miles) east of Lancaster. Garstang is 16 km (10 miles) south of Lancaster. The Bowland Fells discourage attempts to complete the triangle.

Ergo, Roeburndale is not near Garstang.

Next!

I'm pretty sure the first part is a response to discussion in a different forum, rather than something I've covered here, but mp3s? What?

If you are an authorised member of the Police or DVLA, you already know how to match a car to its registered address.

If you are not authorised, you have no right to information about private individuals. **** off and learn to spell.

Whilst I trace your IP address....

'Bicycle', not 'bycycle'....

I suspect almost any puncture repair kit will include instructions, but here's my (utterly normal) technique:

You will need:

• Two plastic tyre levers. Do not use screwdrivers, metal spoons or anything else likely to damage the wheel rim.
• Latex cement.
• Tyre patches. Just squares, circles or ovals of rubber, with plastic/paper/metal film keeping at least one side clean.
  Self-adhesive patches exist, and eliminate the need for separate latex cement. Follow the instructions on the packet. In my experience, these are for temporary repairs, and degrade, so one needs to replace the inner tube fairly soon. The technique I'm describing, with separate cement, effects permanent repairs.
• A small block of chalk.
• A small strip of medium-coarseness glasspaper.

Instructions

• Invert the bike.
• Deflate the tyre (if it's punctured, it's probably already flat). Disconnect the cable from the brake (so the brake opens far enough to remove the wheel). Undo the wheel nuts (or the quick-release lever). Remove the wheel from the bike.
• Remove the dust cap from the air valve.
• Insert the tip of a tyre lever between the tyre and wheel rim. Hook the other end around a spoke. Insert the other tyre lever into the gap you've created, then slide it around the rim, widening the gap until the tyre is no longer attached to the wheel. Remove the tyre and inner tube from the wheel, and remove the inner tube from the tyre. Remember the relative orientation for a moment.
• Carefully examine the tyre for the cause of the puncture. Remove any glass, metal, thorn, etc., ensuring that the object is completely out - thorns in particular can break-off leaving the sharp tip ready to cause another puncture.
  Examine the corresponding part of the inner tube to find the puncture.

  Alternatively, partially inflate the inner tube outside the tyre. Find the point where air is escaping. I do this by holding the tube to my face, so I can feel the air on my lips. I don't immerse the tube in water to observe bubbles from the puncture; I consider it better to keep the tube dry for subsequent stages.
  Check the corresponding part of the tyre for the cause of the puncture, and remove it. The offending object, that is, not the punctured section of inner tube.

• Mark near, but not over, the puncture with chalk. Fully deflate the inner tube. The hole might no longer be visible.
• Roughen the surface of the inner tube over and around the puncture, using the glasspaper. The roughened area needs to be about the same size as the intended patch.
• Discover your latex cement is in Manchester, having been borrowed to repair something entirely different. No? Just me, then....
• Apply a thin film of latex cement to the roughened area. Only a thin film! Do not apply the patch yet. Let the cement dry.
• Remove the plastic/paper/metal film from the inner-facing side of the patch (it's usually obvious which side is which). If it's present, leave the film on the other side of the patch. Apply the patch to the inner tube. Press down on the centre first (directly over the puncture itself), then press outwards to the edge of the patch, thereby preventing air bubbles being trapped.
• Non-standard stage: I tend to add a little latex cement to the border of the patch, to help the edge melt to the inner tube.
• Press down firmly on the patch, ensuring a uniform, tight seal. If you did the non-standard previous step, you might like to place the removed plastic/paper/metal film back over the patch and press on that, to prevent the excess latex cement sticking to your fingers. If so, remove the film afterwards!
• If there is one, carefully remove the plastic/paper/metal film from the outer side of the patch, ensuring you don't damage the seal to the inner tube.
• Grate the chalk against the glasspaper. Allow the resulting chalk dust to cover the patch and any exposed latex cement. Smooth it into the surface. This prevents the repaired tube sticking to the tyre.
• Insert the inner tube back into the tyre. Check whether the tyre has a preferred direction of travel (there'll be an arrow marked on the sidewall) then put the tyre back onto the wheel, starting at the air valve. This can be done by hand; tyre levers are only used to remove a tyre, not reattach it.
  Partially inflate the inner tube, then ensure it and the tyre are properly seated on the wheel rim, with no pinching of the tube.
• Put the wheel back on the bike. If it's the back wheel, ensure the chain is on the right gear ring. Spin the wheel to double check the tyre is straight and even on the rim. Tighten the wheel nuts or quick-release lever.
• Reconnect the brake.
• Turn the bike back over, onto its wheels.
• Fully inflate the tyre. It should remain inflated.
• Now wash your hands.

So close, but not quite....

Try 'Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit'.

There are two things stranger than that enquiry:

• That there are "about 74,800" results for that search term at Google.
• That you ploughed through page after page of results to click through to the Ministry, the 140th result of the search.

Sorry; I prefer not to provide my personal details online. ;)

I suspect a better starting point for research into the subject would be to search for the one-word term 'genius', omitting the redundant words 'information' and 'on'. Google offers 104 million results, but that very general topic would at least identify meaningful additional keywords for refined searching.

Oddly enough, I intended to publish exactly that a few weeks ago. I planned the expedition carefully, allowing for the traffic, weather and tide, polished my bike and camera specially, then set out with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

But... when I actually got to Morecambe, there didn't seem much point proceeding. For some reason, I just couldn't be bothered any more.

<sigh>

That's an intriguing thought. What would you accept as proof, and how would one obtain it, or rather: how would one obtain it and report back?

And why wait until September 2006 to ask about research in 2005? Unless....

Has anyone done any research into the temporal dislocation experienced by the dead?

Wha...?

My what?

That's random. That's very random.

What's even more odd is that the address provided is in very rural Wales, less than 5 km from the village where I grew up. I'm not in contact with anyone I knew then, so I'm pretty sure this is a genuine, if slightly misdirected, request.

I could drop a few vol-au-vents in the post if you insist....

I almost think I know what you're looking for. About a year ago, the BBC broadcast an interesting though annoyingly anthropomorphised documentary about African elephants, in which one elderly individual left the herd to die alone. That's not exactly suicide, and I'm not sure whether CGI was used, but that might be near enough.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid I can't find any specific information about the programme – I'd guess it was an episode of 'Wildlife on One' or similar, rather than a one-off programme promoted individually.

Alternatively (and this seems more likely, really), you may be thinking of Steve Katz's 1999 animated short film 'Protest', in which elephants jump off tall buildings as a protest against the effect of humans on their species.

Oh dear. I bet you believe in intelligent design, too.

I'm not going to get into any theological debates, but there's no need to seek supernatural causes of phenomena already explained rather well by verifiable science.

Aw. That's kind of sad.

Well, affection's not something you're likely to find in a computer (though Mac cultists might disagree), and even less likely to find via AOL Search. Why not switch off, go out and meet people?

Length or girth?

Either way, it's 0.91m, or 3', or one Imperial standard pig-length.
Some sausages may appear shorter or narrower, but that simply means you're too far away.

[More seriously, Cumberland sausages are sold in coils of continuous sausage rather than in individual links. A coil of 30-50 cm (over 1 foot) would be a typical portion, and at least one local supplier sells sausage by the yard (0.91m).]

I had thought that was fairly obvious, but then again, some people look at the appearence & content of this site yet still interpret 'Ministry of Information' as an official branch of the UK Government, so maybe the very concept of 'obvious' is questionable.

Point is, I don't know whether one is obliged to pay a parking ticket if there's a clear typo in the vehicle details, and I'm not especially interested in researching it for a stranger. Likewise, I don't happen to have the address of Lancaster Prison, and can't be bothered to perform the three-word Google search that the enquirer could do for herself.

If you have a really interesting (to me!) question, I might have a go, but ordinarily the central premise stands: that I'm addressing odd inadvertent questions.

Nope; you've beaten me on that one. I haven't heard that she's ever had problems (not that I would), and wouldn't wish her harm. I'm not sure what effect it would have on her music anyway – I suppose it could limit her guitar playing, perhaps restricting her to open chords, and could diminish her use of that ****ing awful harmonica.

I'm not sure whether it's possible to distinguish pinniped populations in terms of girth or intelligence. The former variety has more hair, obviously.

I think you'll find Japanese carp are sentient creatures, self-motivated and not especially concerned about online networking.

Unlike American teenagers in several ways, really.

A reasonable enquiry, phrased sensibly. The only oddity is that MSN ranks the Ministry as no.2 in the UK for that term.

It's understandable when weird enquiries reach the Ministry by matching individual words out-of-context, but now it's happening for 'real' search terms too. That doesn't say much for the matching abilities and relevance results of certain search engines.

I'm guessing that should be 'Palin', but either way, I don't know where he is. I'm not a Python stalker, oddly enough.

Palin being Palin, there's a reasonable chance he's gone travelling with a documentary crew, but he might simply be here.

Then again, he did work for the Ministry under the name 'Jack Lint', so I ought to know, really....

It looked pretty sunny this morning, from 29 km (18 miles) away. Is that range long enough?

A contradiction in terms, surely?

Did I mention that my mother is a trained Samaritan?