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22 November, 2003

Who am I?

On one level, I can be identified as Neil R. T., 32, brown eyes, long brown hair, short beard, a professional designer residing in Lancaster, UK. Identified, yes, but defined? Not really. Inside my head, does it matter what colour my eyes are? I'm certainly not 'Neil' - I respond to it, but don't like or use that name myself.

I don't think I'm defined by my job - I certainly don't define myself by that criterion, and wouldn't wish to be. It's plain that some people who know I'm a web designer consequently fit me into their preconception of the stereotypical computer geek, whereas I don't even like computers and can't stand Star Trek ;).

I'm not a particularly social person, but people fascinate me.

I own my own home (well, the building society owns about 98% of it), but I'd argue that doesn't define the real 'me' - I'm no materialist.

The fact that I'm heterosexual is relevant only in one situation, and to one person (oh, and me!); in social contexts, it probably contributes to the subliminal background conditions, but more overtly just doesn't matter.

I'm male, which self-evidently defines me in physical and social respects, and defines the basis of my thinking more than I'm even aware, but in a very real sense my gender is irrelevant to me - there's no way I could be described as 'one of the lads'; in fact I've occasionally been jokingly accorded the status of 'honorary girl' probably because of my lack of interest in 'blokey' topics and interest in stereotypically feminine (without being female - not the same thing at all) topics like peoples' thoughts and opinions.

Again, these are externally-defined stereotypes, distinctly unhelpful in isolating the real incorporeal, asexual, unnameable inner 'me'.

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